Why Rule-Breakers Are Better Students
Remember what it was like back in grade school when other students didn’t follow the rules? All of us would get collectively scalded and punished for their unwillingness to listen to the teacher or raise their hand for permission to speak. The audacity they had to question The Rules as if they couldn’t care less about the consequences.
Why couldn’t they just do as they were told? Why couldn’t they be more like me?
I was a good student. I got top marks in every subject. I did exactly as I was told to do by my teachers. I followed directions perfectly. I always did my homework, always asked permission before doing anything. I even made sure everyone else knew what was expected of them and did my best to persuade them to do as they were told, too.
Because I was such a good rule-follower, teaching seemed like a great fit for me as a career. This time, I stepped into the classroom with a different viewpoint. I quickly discovered that the rule-breakers were still there, but their “bad behavior” didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t also good students.
If you’ve been a rule-follower for most of your life, chances are that this idea is challenging for you, but we’re not talking about rule-breaking for sheer rebellion’s sake. We’re talking about a healthier type of rule-breaking. We’re breaking rules as a way to free ourselves and others from the tyranny of our unjust rulebooks—the rulebooks that constantly tell us we are either too much or never enough.
We are rebels with a cause.
And rebels with a cause have to be good students.
Here are 5 ways that rule-breakers are good students.
1) Good students pay attention.
I’m not talking about paying attention to a teacher during a lesson. It’s about paying attention to YOURSELF which means developing self-awareness. It’s about getting to know ourselves. It’s about listening our inner self, to how we feel, how we behave in certain situations and around certain people, and what motivates us.
It’s also about paying attention and noticing what unique rules are at play in our individual lives. The problem with being a rule-follower is that, many times, we are not even aware what rules are controlling our lives.
Recently, I had a string of days where I felt sick, but not physically. It was an emotional and mental sickness. Loneliness, grief, rejection, and a whole shit-storm of emotions and happenings that I was struggling to process. Because I felt fine physically, I tried to push through.
Rule-followers are trained well to push through, but it only leaves us more exhausted and emotionally clogged.
And so I stopped and listened to my inner voice, my mind, my body, my intuition. I realized that I was still living by the rule that said being physically sick was somehow different than being emotionally or mentally ill. When you’re physically sick, it’s perfectly acceptable to rest and lie in bed all day. Why not when we are battling a mental illness?
I would not have noticed this back when I was a rule-follower. When I noticed, I allowed myself to stop pushing through and rest. To get to this point though, I had to pay attention.
Rule-breakers pay attention in order to recognize where hidden rules are hiding so that they can un-learn them. Becoming more self-aware can help us learn to recognize why we are doing or not doing something. Is there a rule that you need to un-learn? Perhaps. Lean in to your own inner teacher—your own beautiful and good self—listen and pay attention. You just might learn (or un-learn) something.
2) Good students ask questions.
Once we start to notice the rules and how they show up, we can start asking the hard questions we tend to avoid as rule-followers especially questions that start with “why” or “why not.” For example, “Why am I doing this? Is it because I feel like I ‘should,’ or is it something that I value doing?” Healthy rule-breaking starts with questioning the rules. Asking good questions can help us to stay focused on our goals and bring about positive change and growth.
Asking good questions is a way to embrace curiosity which fosters open-mindedness and connection with people of diverse perspectives. These things challenge our Rulebooks which is why we are made to feel that curiosity and open-mindedness are somehow dangerous or wrong. However, being a good student requires asking questions in order to cultivate curiosity about others and ourselves instead of judgment and prejudice.
3) Good students actively participate.
Living by The Rulebook is much easier in some ways. We can sort of live our lives on auto-pilot. We know what’s expected, and all we have to do to keep everyone happy is keep meeting the expectations. A rule-follower’s number one goal is to keep everyone else happy. Because we can rarely meet every expectation handed to us by The Rulebook, and because it’s impossible to please everyone, we stay in a constant cycle of shame and fear. We cope with this by numbing ourselves in a million different ways, only half-participating in our lives.
But not rule-breakers. Rule-breakers take themselves off of auto-pilot and actively participate in their own lives. They are present, fully awake, and alive. They are in the driver’s seat, not The Rulebook. They don’t just wait around for someone to save them. They don’t just let life happen to them. They take action, take charge, and bravely and fully participate in their lives.
4) Good students practice.
In addition to being a classroom teacher, I have also been a music teacher. I’ve taught dozens of students over the years, and one unsurprising pattern has emerged: The students who practice are successful; the students who don’t practice are not successful and usually quit before they really get started. This is an unsurprising pattern because we all know that in order to learn something new, you have to practice. Learning anything takes time, regular review, and repetition.
It takes repetition to learn something, and it takes double or even triple the amount of repetition to UNLEARN something. Becoming a rule-breaker after having been a rule-follower is all about un-learning the rules. We’ve got a whole lifetime, and in some cases, generations of rules to unlearn. We can’t just throw out the whole rulebook in one day. It’s too entangled in our lives, careers, relationships, parenting, spirituality—every part of our lives. And so, being a rule-breaker requires patience and practice.
5) Good students are committed to the learning process.
I mentioned above that ”throwing out the rulebook” doesn’t happen in one day. Learning is a process as is un-learning. Becoming a rule-breaker requires us to commit to this un-learning (and learning) process. This means embracing a lifelong learning mindset in which we set attainable goals for ourselves (something else we have to learn to do because The Rulebook did not give us attainable goals). After setting better goals for ourselves, we’ll take small step by small step to achieve those goals.
Committing to the learning process means recognizing we will never arrive at a point where we know everything, and yet we will still seek out opportunities to learn and grow. Some of the best learning and growth opportunities come from carving out time for self-reflection. Regularly reflecting on our experiences, decisions, and actions builds self-awareness, and it can help us understand what is working well and what could be improved. Some ways to practice self-reflection include talking to a friend or therapist, journaling, meditating, or simply sitting in the quiet allowing ourselves time to think without distraction.
As well-practiced rule-followers, we already know how to be good students. We spent much of our lives committed to the process of learning the rules in the rulebook. Now, we’re turning that around and committing to the process of un-learning them.
So what do you think? Are you ready for class?
I think you are, Rule-Breaker.
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